My Problems With Lesbian Porn

Published July 17, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

Go ahead roll your eyes, at me for analyzing porn of all things, but I’m sorry I have several problems with lesbian porn. Lets start off here by saying, I am by no means an expert on porn, lesbian or otherwise, BUT I have watched enough to know how ridiculous most of it is.

Lets start off with the most important issue: LESBIANS DON’T SCISSOR!!! I have yet to meet a lesbian who would scissor with a partner rather than just use their natural appendages or a toy. Why you ask? First of all it would take forever to get off in such a manner, and second there is the whole chaffing thing. It’s boring and uncomfortable, and there are many more efficient more enjoyable ways to have sex.

Next why in the hell do these women rub their tits together? I admit boobs are not all that important to me, as in being attracted to another woman, but I do love a woman’s boobs no matter the size. I love to do many things to them, even feel a woman’s naked skin pressed against mine, but I have never really felt the need nor have I gotten any pleasure just rubbing my boobs against another woman’s.

Then there is the whole butt bumping thing? Now to be honest, I have only seen this in a couple movies, but the confusion was enough that I felt it should be mentioned in this post. I mean two women literally get down on all fours and bump their asses together…maybe this is a fetish I am not aware of? I thought I knew most of the fetishes floating around out there, but maybe this is a new one I haven’t heard of yet?

Then we have the use of toys….which I absolutely condone, and enjoy myself with my DGF. However the way they are used is a little on the “that would never happen that way” side. I understand everyone has their own thing, and different things turn on different people, BUT why are the women in these movies sucking on dildos like that is just the missing piece of the puzzle? I can see a person wearing a strap on getting all turned on by their partner sucking the dildo that is strapped to them. However in these movies the women are just sucking on them just because it seems like they need something to suck on…..and yes, these women are never supposed to be actual lesbians, they are just supposed to be women that are “experimenting”, but really they like dick. I’m sorry to tell you, I myself have never felt the need to just start sucking on a dildo while in the middle of sex, unless it was otherwise requested of me, or seemed like it would turn the other woman on.

Now this is an important one; most of the women in these movies only use the tip of their tongue while going down on their partner. I say most, because I have seen the occasional movie where one or both women get into it, and shove their whole face in there, but for the most part the women only use the tip of their tongue. Again, that would never work out in a real situation, it would seem like you’re scared, or disgusted, and no woman would be able to relax enough to get off with a person who is so timid. Oh!!! AND there is the whole stop/start stop/start thing that keeps happening in these scenes!! A woman needs a certain amount of consistency in this situation in order to get off and in my experience a woman would not be able to finish with all the stopping and starting and switching methods that happens in these movies.

And lastly there is the lack of variety in the appearance of lesbians in these movies. I know that there is a type that is most mainstream in porn, but what I am referring to is varying degrees of femininity/butchiness. I don’t find hard butches attractive myself, but once in a while it would be nice if these movies showed a little more variety in the look of the lesbians. Just for a touch more reality.

Now I know that porn is supposed to be a fantasy, and mostly MALE fantasy, but now that women more openly admit to watching it maybe there could be a little more reality involved in these movies. I would love to see a porn with a lesbian COUPLE not just two suite mates bored on a Saturday night who go at each-other, because they can’t find a man. I would also like to see more butch women in porn, more realistic situations, and more women who at least act like they are into what they are going.

Hi there, Sally

Published July 6, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

As a rule, I am not a fan of books that are made into movies. I am a stickler for the details in the books, and I notice right away when those details don’t make it into the movie.  However I do LOVE when books I like are made into movies, and when they are made well I get even more psyched.

I read the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books a few times before I saw the the movies (to be clear I have seen all three Swedish versions, and the recent American version) and I found almost no flaws with them.  I loved the movies from the very first scene, Noomi Rapace who plays LIsbeth Salander was JUST how I pictured her in my head. In fact every character was fairly close to how I pictured them in my head while reading the books.  The movies followed the books almost exactly, which I love, and I was able to totally focus on Lisbeth (rather than picking out the inconsistencies) and all the pain and humiliations she survived.

To be honest, the reason I watched the Swedish made movies had nothing to do with any purist attitude, or loyalty to how the author wanted his books made into motion pictures. It was simply because by the time I read all three books, all three Swedish versions had been finished and all of them were on Netflix. 

That being said I am awfully glad I watched those versions, because now having seen both the Swedish and American version I have to say the original Swedish movies are far superior.  So the American version had a huge budget?  The Swedish movies are still so much better, they feel more real to me, the scenes have a lot more depth, and seem much closer to the vision created by Stieg Larsson

Not that the American version is bad by any means, (and for me to say two different version of a movie made from a book are good, is a miracle) you should definitely see the America version.  I would just HIGHLY recommend also seeing the Swedish versions as well.

These were some of my all time favorite movies based on books, granted the list is short, but that just makes my list all the more prestigious. 


We Are Stronger Together

Published June 23, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

It is human nature to distract ourselves from unpleasant situations.  I’ve done it, I’m sure all of you have done it as well.  However when distraction is used as a political tool it makes me very angry, and I am confused as to why more people don’t seem to see it.

I sit and I watch the news (the real news, not the crap that is on local stations) or I listen to it on the radio, or read the paper, and there seems to be so much focus on issues that do not and should not matter at this point.  We have a national debt that is over 15 trillion dollars, the unemployment rate is at 8%, economies all over the world are in trouble.  American civil rights are being eroded and it never even makes the news, Congress is so partisan they cannot get anything done that benefits anyone.  The list goes on and on, but these issues hardly ever make the news.

The reason, in my opinion is because the people are being distracted by the new attack on civil rights going on.  All this attacking of LGBTQ people, attacking the rights of women, stripping collective bargaining rights, it’s all a smoke screen.  Don’t get me wrong, going after civil rights should be reported, and it is a horrendous goal for a country that was based on personal freedoms, however I wish the general public would wake up and realize it’s not about democrats or republicans anymore.

At this point both sides are corrupt, and taking money from special interest groups, and (forgive me for generalising) neither side is interested in helping Americans anymore.  Why should same-sex marriage even be an issue when it’s always religious objections these people have, or abortion for that matter?  Why aren’t our senators and representatives working to create jobs, or get people who can’t afford health care help?  Why are they not helping people being foreclosed on because of bad loans?

There are so many more important issues to be addressed, but instead people like Speaker Bohner waste time, and TAX PAYER MONEY on fighting same sex marriage, states are wasting time and money passing bills that strip women of their right to choose.  It’s so rampant I am forced to accuse the right of taking advantage of a precarious situation in order to further their own agenda. Not only do they get to distract the public by inciting furious debates and hatred, they get to push through laws that strip people of basic civil rights without anyone paying attention.

If people would unite against a government that doesn’t care anything about them unless they have millions to donate to their “campaign fund” we would be so much better off, than fighting one another over inconsequential issues.

Why The United States Needs Election Reform.

Published June 7, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

The candidate with the most money, has often won an election.  However now that candidates, especially GOP candidates are getting money from special interests groups, and corporations, it’s time that the public stand up and shout that we will not be manipulated anymore. We need to make a point, as voters that our votes cannot be bought or influenced by a barrage of ads that manipulate the truth and outright lie.

The public needs to wake up and pay attention to whats going on around them.  Our democracy is being bought by corporations who use politicians as puppets to carry out their agendas in government.  Between voter suppression laws, and young voters believing their vote no longer matters, we as the left are not putting up much of a fight.  The GOP is organized, their voters ALWAYS come out and voter, the young and the old, men and women.  Liberal voters need to start doing the same thing.  Don’t let voter suppression laws stop you, insist on your right as an American to vote for whomever you think is the best candidate!!  

I say no matter who is running, no matter what they are running for, each candidate gets a certain amount of air time, radio time, and print ads funded by the local government (or federal depending on the election)  and it’s completely even.  Donations from interest groups and corporations, should be made illegal, because how can a politician be working for the people when they are busy working for the interests of the people who got said politician elected?

Every voter matters, no matter if they are a republican, or democrat, or independent. Each voter should exercise their right, to vote for the best candidate. However it should be based on FACTS not which candidate spends the most money, not which candidate is getting an unlimited flow of money from the G-D DAMN KOCH BROTHERS!!!  These people that donate huge amounts of money are slowly gaining control of our government, pushing through their own legislation, and that is not what a democracy is!! 

For example, the recent vote for a cigarette tax in California.  Last month the polls had the people voting overwhelmingly in favor of a tax, and now when the vote actually happened…after the tobacco industry spending 50 billion dollars in advertising against the tax, the people voted the tax down, all because an industry spent billions of dollars.  In Wisconsin Scott Walker became the only Governor in U.S history to fend off a recall election.  The right funneled a ridiculous amount of money to Walkers campaign, starting before Christmas!!  Even with the huge voter turn out, that piece of slime still won. People voted against their own interest all because Walker could afford to bombard people with manipulative ads.

I realize the problem also lies with people who sit back and choose not to get involved, who don’t care what happens because they can’t see how it effects them.  I just don’t understand that mentality, because every law that passes effects our lives, every union stripping law, or law about same sex couples, taxes, everything effect us. 

If history has taught us anything it’s that if the people who govern gain too much power they will want more and more until the people are no longer in control of their own lives anymore.  We need to stop the erosion of our rights now, before we look around and wonder what happened.

To quote one of my favorite movies “People should not be afraid of their government,  governments should be afraid of their people.”

The Guest Blog That Never Was

Published May 10, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

A blogger I follow asked her followers to write some guest blogs recently.  I was very excited about it, because I love her, and as anyone who has ever met me, or read anything I’ve written knows, I like to talk.  I wrote about how difficult it is to be “femme” in the gay community.  I spoke to some of my friends to get their perspective as well, I sent a copy to my DGF (dear girlfriend) to get some proof reading, I was very excited by the whole process, but alas it was not to be.  She was very kind about it, but she wanted tweaks to it I was not happy about making so I politely declined. However I still think it was good so I want to put it out there.  Here you go:

When I first got up the courage to come out as a gay woman, it was a proud and scary time in my life.  I lost some friends, but I was confident that being part of the LGBTQ community would afford me the opportunity to meet new people.  I was certain that we would have many things to bond over, and my new friends would understand my story, but as is so often the case things are never like you imagine them.

I am what is known as “femme”, and as I discovered the lesbian community is very segregated.  In all the community events I was a part of and of all the groups I joined, I felt like I HAD to hang out with other femmes.  Many of the butch women, or even the women who were neither femme nor butch looked down on, and judged me.

In bars and clubs I was constantly asked if I was bi, or just curious.  I was met with a lot of accusations of not really being gay because of the way I dress, because I wear make-up, and do my hair.  It was bad enough I was being judged by my family and my straight friends, but now I was being judged by the very people I was sure would have understood and accepted me.

Meeting women was especially difficult for me.  I was either just assumed straight, accused of being bi, or I was not “gay looking” enough (yes that is actually what someone said to me).  I did find it easier to meet women online, (though I would advise anyone who does this to be very careful, and to take precautions) which turned out to be the best thing I ever did.

I had spent years pretending to be something I wasn’t before I came out, and I decided that I wasn’t going to go back to that. I was going to be who I was and I refused to care what other people thought about me.  Since I could not fit in anywhere, I made a group that fit me, and now I have a great diverse group of friends who are gay, straight, butch, femme, trans, and asexual.

Of course everyone’s experiences are different.  I asked some of the femmes I know about their experiences, and they varied.  Some had nothing negative to say about their encounters, and others were much worse than mine. One friend actually chooses not to be part of the gay community at all beyond her partner, and therefore has had no experience good or bad.

My favorite thing said on the subject in all my questioning was:

“To accommodate anyone’s need to not be rejected. If I cut my hair shorter, wore “lesbian” clothing, and my whole identity was just  being a lesbian, then it would be a false depiction of my SELF.”

It is my favorite because I think it affirms that before any of us belong to this group, or that group, we have to be ourselves first. So let people judge me if they like, whether it’s out of fear of rejection or stupidity it’s going to happen, and there is nothing I can do about it.  I am happy with myself, and I hope my friends who have experinced the same thing are happy with themselves too.

Remaking Little Shop of Horrors….AGAIN!!

Published May 4, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

You grow up loving certain movies, especially us children of the 80’s.  The age of the terrible, campy, bad effects movies.  Sadly the age we live in, has become all about the huge CGI effects, the stories aren’t important anymore, and more to the point….there are very few original stories being put out anymore.  Movie studios want a solid fan base, it’s less of a risk that way.  They remake movies so they have a built-in fans, before the movie even opens.


joseph gordon levitt django unchained quentin tarantino

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has expressed a desire to remake Little Shop of Horrors!!!  I’m sorry, Joseph but no one can replace the brilliance of Rick Moranis as Seymore….or Ellen Greene as Audrey, Steve Martin as Orin the crazy dentist, or Bill Murray the masochistic patient!!!  None of this chemistry can be recreated, and why would anyone want to?!?!

Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a fan of remakes in general.  In fact I hate them, with a fiery passion.  In this case, as in a few others I think it’s a tragedy for an already suffering film industry.  Rumor has it that Zooey Deschanel will be his costar.  ARE YOU FRACKING KIDDING ME?!?!?  It’s bad enough the untalented twit thinks she can sing, and actually has a band, but now she’s going to be taking the role that Ellen Greene blew out of the water?!?!?!?!  Her flimsy little voice can never even come close to the awesomeness that is Ellen Greene. 

Now I know what you’re going to say….technically the 1986 version was a remake, BUT it’s kind of like the musical remake of Mame…they are separate entities.  The original version based on “Green Thoughts” by John Collier came out in 1960, and had a young Jack Nicholson in it.  It was not a musical, and used the original intended ending, as did the 1982 musical, in which the whole cast dies, and Audrey II has babies. The ending in the 1986 movie version changed the ending to a happy one after negative audience response. 

Is it too much to ask that we get some ORIGINAL material in movies?!?!?  Oh no, we don’t want the writers the movie studios employ to strain their brains too much!!  The atrocious version of Footloose that came out recently is proof, as is the recent remake of Dark Shadows.  What is wrong with the original versions of these?? 

The Ultra P.C Whiney Hipsters are Ruining Brooklyn!!

Published April 4, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

I was born in Brooklyn, I have lived here for the better part of my life, and now it’s being infested by something far worse than any bug….HIPSTERS!!  If you are lucky enough to live in a city where you are Hipster free, let me explain  what these people are.  They are self-important, super politically correct, organic vegan, hemp wearing shmucks who feel it’s their duty to show the rest of us the error of our ways.  I would like to point out that with all their ranting about saving the earth and buying local produce they all have iPhones, made by Asian children making slave wages, but that’s getting away from my point.

These hipsters have always been mildly annoying…being rude in Fairway, or Trader Joe’s, the riding their bikes wherever they want, their stupid obnoxious kids. However now, a group of these awful mothers is trying to ruin a day at the park.

As a kid, playing in the park it was a great treat to get an ices when I was hot and sweaty and on my way home.  Though it wasn’t an everyday thing, I enjoyed it when I got it, and when I was told no, yeah I got upset but I learned to live with disappointment. Which is an important life lesson for a kid, learning when you hear no, it means no.

These hipster mothers in Park Slope, Brooklyn want to ban ice cream trucks and carts from the park, because they feel they shouldn’t have to fight with their kid over the word no?!?!?  How about they learn to be a real grown up and say no to their kid?  If their obnoxious little brat cries every time it hears the word no, then you have failed as a parent. If the kid cries LET THE KID CRY!!!  It is a parents job to teach their child they can’t have everything they want whenever they want it!!

What about the parents who want to buy their child ice cream on a warm day in the park? Or the adults who want ice cream on a warm day?  Do these women really feel that the universe revolves around them? Silly question..of course they do.  If they didn’t they wouldn’t be pushing for the ban of ICE CREAM in the park. 

A parent who co-founded says statistics back her up, and blather on about childhood obesity and diabetes, but come the frack on!!!  No one is insisting the kid have an ice cream everyday!!!  She goes on to say she feels she shouldn’t have to hear her child beg for ice cream.  To which I say again….GROW THE FRACK UP AND LEARN TO SAY NO TO YOUR KIDS!!! 

These mothers are so afraid of having their kids cry in public that they want to take away any right to fun others might want to have?  If your kid begs for ice cream you tell them no, and let them cry or carry on and eventually they will learn as they should that not every want will be immediately satisfied. You can’t ruin everyone’s day in the park because you are bad parents who are raising whiney demanding children who feel they have the right to whatever they want.