All posts tagged Sexuality

Why God-Des and She’s new video, G-d I Know You Love Me speaks to me

Published February 1, 2013 by asickandtwistedperspective

I admit to being a little biased here, as I am an avid God-Des and She fan (The female hip hop/soul duo), however I have to say this new song, “God I Know You Love Me” is one of their best.  It speaks to me particularly because I consider myself a religious person and have found it difficult in the past to reconcile my religion and my sexuality. 

I was raised a semi-religious Jew going to Yeshiva for many years before public school. To this day my father is an extremely religious man known as Lubavitcher.  I struggled for a long time, not understanding why if G-d made people and G-d made me, why was I this way? I was angry and resentful, and I felt betrayed by a G-d I thought was supposed to love me.  Then one day I realized; G-d and faith (no matter what faith you are) is about love, and PEOPLE make it hateful, not G-d. 

Suddenly I felt at peace, I accepted who I am, and who I love and my faith has never been stronger. I love my Jewish faith and it’s long history of survival, I find it fitting that the Jewish people are fighters, and survivers. I find peace in a G-d that loves and wants people to be good, and happy people, not because they are threatened with hell, but because they just ARE good people who are loved, and who love.

Which is why, I loved this video so much.  Granted I believe it’s centered more around the Christian faith, maybe Catholic?? I am not sure if the other sects have nuns…?  I feel it can speak to anyone who has struggled with their faith and their sexuality. 

The video is full of great symbolism, there is a person of color playing G-d, the red lighting in the church which is counter intuitive, the hateful preacher….Look for She as the nun, and God-Des as one of the parishioners also. 


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friend them on facebook:!/therealgoddesandshe?fref=ts


Ally or Enemy?

Published October 16, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

Every LGBTQ person has had their own experience with coming to terms with their own sexuality.  For some of us, coming out was a non-issue, and for others it was a life altering experience.  With all that said, the one thing we all have in common is that we all went through the process, and now accept our sexuality as part of who we are.  

According to Timothy Kurek who lived for a year as a gay man, working in a “gay cafe” and hanging out at a gay bar he did it because as a Christian he was anti-gay until a friend of his admitted to him she was gay.

OK so I know some of you will say what he did could be seen as admirable, but I just don’t see it that way.  I think what he did was deceitful, and a huge insult to his gay friends.  To make light of something that is so apart of who we are, something we are fighting so hard to gain equality for can only be an insult. 

Even worse than going “undercover” in the gay community, is that he recruited his gay friend to pose as his boyfriend to keep men from hitting on him.  Poor baby couldn’t just say no thank you? Or how about sorry, I’m just not interested?  This friend of his who posed as his boyfriend should be ashamed of himself for helping this affront to his community.  A community that he does not have the luxury of walking away from when he decides his experiment is over.

So now that he “came out” as straight on NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY to his family, he gets to walk away and go back to the life he had previously.  So maybe he doesn’t want the friends who dropped him after he told them he was gay, so what?  The point is now his mother who wrote in her diary “I would rather a doctor tell me I have terminal cancer than have a gay son” gets to breath a sigh of relief that all her “prayers” were answered.   He can continue on like nothing happened, go back to having a relationship with his mother as if nothing ever happened. 

Maybe Mr. Kurek did what he did because he wanted to understand his gay friends better, but maybe not.  Either way now he gets to profit off exploiting the LGBTQ community.  He gets to talk about his harrowing experiences, and be seen as a hero because he was willing to do such a thing.  My question here is this, why did he have to go “undercover” in the community?  Why pretend to be gay, why not just be an ally, and activist if he really wanted to help his friends or understand them more?

The Guest Blog That Never Was

Published May 10, 2012 by asickandtwistedperspective

A blogger I follow asked her followers to write some guest blogs recently.  I was very excited about it, because I love her, and as anyone who has ever met me, or read anything I’ve written knows, I like to talk.  I wrote about how difficult it is to be “femme” in the gay community.  I spoke to some of my friends to get their perspective as well, I sent a copy to my DGF (dear girlfriend) to get some proof reading, I was very excited by the whole process, but alas it was not to be.  She was very kind about it, but she wanted tweaks to it I was not happy about making so I politely declined. However I still think it was good so I want to put it out there.  Here you go:

When I first got up the courage to come out as a gay woman, it was a proud and scary time in my life.  I lost some friends, but I was confident that being part of the LGBTQ community would afford me the opportunity to meet new people.  I was certain that we would have many things to bond over, and my new friends would understand my story, but as is so often the case things are never like you imagine them.

I am what is known as “femme”, and as I discovered the lesbian community is very segregated.  In all the community events I was a part of and of all the groups I joined, I felt like I HAD to hang out with other femmes.  Many of the butch women, or even the women who were neither femme nor butch looked down on, and judged me.

In bars and clubs I was constantly asked if I was bi, or just curious.  I was met with a lot of accusations of not really being gay because of the way I dress, because I wear make-up, and do my hair.  It was bad enough I was being judged by my family and my straight friends, but now I was being judged by the very people I was sure would have understood and accepted me.

Meeting women was especially difficult for me.  I was either just assumed straight, accused of being bi, or I was not “gay looking” enough (yes that is actually what someone said to me).  I did find it easier to meet women online, (though I would advise anyone who does this to be very careful, and to take precautions) which turned out to be the best thing I ever did.

I had spent years pretending to be something I wasn’t before I came out, and I decided that I wasn’t going to go back to that. I was going to be who I was and I refused to care what other people thought about me.  Since I could not fit in anywhere, I made a group that fit me, and now I have a great diverse group of friends who are gay, straight, butch, femme, trans, and asexual.

Of course everyone’s experiences are different.  I asked some of the femmes I know about their experiences, and they varied.  Some had nothing negative to say about their encounters, and others were much worse than mine. One friend actually chooses not to be part of the gay community at all beyond her partner, and therefore has had no experience good or bad.

My favorite thing said on the subject in all my questioning was:

“To accommodate anyone’s need to not be rejected. If I cut my hair shorter, wore “lesbian” clothing, and my whole identity was just  being a lesbian, then it would be a false depiction of my SELF.”

It is my favorite because I think it affirms that before any of us belong to this group, or that group, we have to be ourselves first. So let people judge me if they like, whether it’s out of fear of rejection or stupidity it’s going to happen, and there is nothing I can do about it.  I am happy with myself, and I hope my friends who have experinced the same thing are happy with themselves too.